Limiting Behaviors and Beliefs to Changing Same Gender Attraction

For those who desire to reduce or completely get rid of same gender attraction there are certain behaviors and beliefs that tend to go along with this issue that can be highly detrimental if not understood.  It is helpful to know what these characteristics are and why they are there. 

Why these Behaviors and Beliefs?

Bottom line is - same gender attraction is based on childhood trauma.  There may be other scenarios as well, but according to Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, one common scenario goes back to lack of proper attachment with both parents.  The child did not feel fully seen, known, and accepted.

Commission Link

This is not meant to throw blame onto parents.  No-one knowingly wants to cause this type of problem.  This is about gaining understanding.  For more information consider reading the book:  Shame and Attachment Loss (commission link) by Joseph J. Nicolosi and listen to the resources found on Make Your Own Decision.

A person with these attractions is hurting so much due to what they missed in childhood that their focus is largely inward focused. They have difficulty looking outward.  

To Those with Same Gender or Same Sex Attraction

Looking deep within is so important.  Please do not let these beliefs and behaviors limit you in any way.  Recognize these beliefs and behaviors, have compassion for yourself, forgive yourself, and then vow to rise above and move forward working to reduce and get rid of these beliefs and behaviors.  This will open up so many possibilities for you to start connecting in genuine heart-felt ways in your relationships with both genders.

A statement from a pastor on YouTube is very enlightening.  "Your experiences are not your identity." Don't let your experiences lead you to believe it is your identity. 

Choose to be grateful and express that gratitude to a Divine God for the opportunity this challenge presents to draw closer to Him as you work through the trauma and feelings of the past.  I give my assurance that He is there and He is aware of you.  Put your trust in Him and He will honor every effort.

Ask for the help of loved ones to help you recognize what is going on and listen closely to what they say.  They can be of great assistance if you will allow them to do so.

Limiting Characteristics and Beliefs

  • Self-pity - Believing that one deserves pity.  Keeps a person always looking for and trying to receive sympathy.  They can never get enough pity.  The focus is inward instead of outward.
  • Victim - Belief that one is a victim.  Things are always being done "to" you.  Keeps a person reacting instead of acting. Prevents any kind of progress or movement forward.
  • Hyper-Sensitivity - Easily offended, very sensitive to perceived rejection or criticism.  Keeps a person anxious and always anticipating a moment where they will feel shame. Also leads to unfounded criticism of others in many situations because of the belief that the other person is trying to criticize or shame you. 
  • Passivity - Believing that no matter what one does it will not make a difference.  Keeps one in apathy and not caring.
  • Powerless - Similar to Passivity, Belief that no amount of effort will make a difference and so why bother trying.  Keeps one in lack and prevents any kind of motivation. Also goes with a belief of being weak.
  • Not good enough - This belief keeps a person believing that they can never measure up or live up to anyone's expectations including their own.  A person will even create situations to verify this belief or will twist what is said or what happens into fitting this belief. 
  • Self-absorbed - A person is so caught up (albeit unknowingly) in the grievances and wounds of the past that they cannot see outside of themselves.  Prevents a person from understanding how their behavior affects others. Causes a lack of self-reflection which is needed in order to progress.  

Last Thoughts

I hope this helps in some way.  Please utilize the information here to move yourself out of where you are stuck. I have written this page with a love and concern for you.  I know this is a difficult and complex issue.  Blessings to you.

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Disclaimer:  The information provided here is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as diagnosis, treatment or prescription for any disease.  The decision to use, or not to use, any of this information is the sole responsibility of the reader. Please consult with a licensed health care practitioner if you are dealing with a serious disease or illness.

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